relax, smile & be inspired

You and Me

Written by Ann LeFlore submitted to dVerse for Critique and Craft

You and Me

Here and now you have me
And in our destiny
it was meant to be
And come what may
I hope I have showed you the way

Tear down all the walls
And the hurts will go away
Open up and let people see
That you may be free

Living in the ocean of your sorrows
Will give you no tomorrows

God you are special to me
The love I have for you is in my heart
And it will never never part

When I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you in a very very special way
You mean so much to me
I wish our love could always be

But regardless of what will come
Remember here and now you have me
And in our destiny it was meant to be

Comments on: "You and Me" (14)

  1. I love your first line: “Here and now you have me” … That’s largely all we can ever really grasp, isn’t it?

    • Yes you are right on this one. It is hard to see it as a larger or different picture. This can mean a realtionship or even a family ties or ties with your children. In a certain way we have our lover, husband, and our children but how long do we have them. It all depends on what life has to offer and where we are all going.

  2. If it is your destiny to be with someone then, come hell or high water, you will be. Sometimes we’re convinced something is what we want and wish for yet, we never get, because it just isn’t meant to be for us.
    The trick to not being unhappy about it is, in knowing, and if we all knew we wouldn’t spend so much time longing for something or someone that we will never have. Sad, isn’t it. Lovely prose.

  3. Like your repetition of “you have me.” Another sad one, but well done!

  4. Very inspiring and uplifting. I enjoyed this as much as I needed it. Great job.

  5. Hi Ann & Sarah,

    As we posted in the Critique and Craft night, I’m gonna try and do my bit with a little constructive critiquing.

    Firstly this poem is strong in a very gentle way. The choice of simple words convey the softness of the voice. I really like it.

    I think maybe just a few choice punctuations may help a little. The first line “here and now you have me” can be read two ways: “here and now, you have me” or “here, and now you have me”. After reading the line repeated in the penultimate line, it becomes evident which way you likely meant it to be read, the former, if I’m guessing correctly, but nonetheless inserting a comma may be beneficial. If you do go with putting in a comma here, it would be good to do so in L19 as well.

    L3 starts with a repeated “and”, which for me I feel is unneeded. You start a few lines with “and” for which I understand their presence in continuing from the previous line, however L3’s “and” I think doesn’t need to be linked to the previous line, and perhaps taking it out would set the first two lines apart more, considering also that you inversely repeat the lines at the end of the poem (although see my comment about L18)

    L5&6 It’s just my opinion, but I think the lines would read better if “all” was removed and “hurts” was put into the singular, unless of course you really really want to express the multiple. The sound of plural S in “hurts” doesn’t ring so well for me with the sound of the plural S of “walls”, but that may just be me.

    L12&13 “The love I have for you is in my heart and it will never never part”, a beautiful sentiment, but in my opinion, it could be improved, grammatically too. The two lines end up saying “The love I have… will never never part”, when I think you are trying to mean that your love and your heart will never be parted, and so if I may, I would venture rewriting the line as “the love I have for you is in my heart and it will never depart”, i.e. it will never leave your heart. it still would keep the rhyme, but for me, it makes more sense.

    L18: I like how your antepenultimate line reflects the third line of the piece, though I think the opening “but” is superfluous, and could be taken out to not detract from the strength of the rest of the line. On another thought, maybe you might want to keep the “but” and change the opening “and” of L3 to “but” also, as this might add further to the piece coming full circle.

    Overall I think this is a really lovely poem that expresses your feelings very well. I like how it flows, not only in terms of line reading and cadence, but also in the expressions of the feelings, with the dip in the second “quarter”, rising in the third “quarter”, and the first and last “quarters” completing a “circle”, so to speak. I really enjoyed. Great job!

    I hope I haven’t been too petty and that you haven’t minded my comment 🙂

    • Thank you. I am dyslexia and struggled with this for years. It was not untl later on that I had an assigned Engish teacher to teach me and help me. I had to write manuals for the work I did and not any type of stories or poetry. So this is very interesting and I did enjoy this so much. I am glad to see this and it is q very interesting idea on this one. Thank you so much

  6. Very inspirational with strong feelings of devotion for another. Lovely.

  7. Don’t miss this link-up, Ann:

    The theme is silent films.

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