relax, smile & be inspired

My World

My World

Written by Ann LeFlorefor a friend of mine who was going through a depression in her life. She decided to turn to drugs and in the end she finally killed herself. It seems that nobody wanted to see what was happening and cared about her. She would disappear for days on end and not be heard of. I would spend time searching for her but could not find her. I tied hard to get her some help but she kept saying it no longer matter. I know there are many people who suffer from depression and problems in their lives. I hope this will help to save a few of them and open up people’s eyes to try and help them.

Here I sit watching my world
Come crumbling down
I try and cry out for help
But there’s nobody around

Silently I scream as I bang
My head against the wall
It seems like no one cares at all
Always felling this pain

 That I can’t explain
Like the scent of a rose
You can’t explain
Sitting here thinking to myself

 Is this life, or am I dying inside
The clock keeps ticking
As the hands of time pass me by
Nothing seems to change

 Only my problems are rearranged
When I sit and think of times
I’ve had so few good so many bad
I search for answers

 And look for things I didn’t have
Love and peace flash thru my mind
But pain and hate is all I can find
I find no hope for there’s nothing new

 I never had a dream come true
Lies, hate and agony
Thru my eyes that’s all I can see
If I’m gonna cry tomorrow
Will you wipe away my tears?

 If I’m gonna die today
Will you take away my fears?
But before I die in my sorrows
Can you answer me this
How can I laugh tomorrow?
When I can’t smile today

The Perfect Poet Award

 Thank you “The Poetry Palace Thursday Post Rally Week” for the perfect Poem Award
I nominate California Ink in Motion for the next award

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Comments on: "My World" (76)

  1. “Only my problems are rearranged” … This is a REALLY good line, Ann. And the ending was strong too. I’m glad you wrote something; I’ve been missing your work. I’m so sorry about your friend, Ann. How helpless you must have felt to look for her and not be able to find her. I think that’s a good way to describe living with someone battling depression. You know they’re in their somewhere, but you just can’t find them.

    • You are right Shawna it is hard to find them and reach them. Some days they are doing good and you think all is going to improve them all of a sudden they are gone again and it is hard to find them and bring them back

  2. This is a beautifully written poem my friend…but oh so sad. I think you nailed the feelings down perfectly. I had a friend go through this exact same thing and you described what she was feeling so well that I truly felt as if it was coming straight from my friend. Nicely done, I loved this!

    • Yes this is a hard time and so hard to watch. You feel helpless and do not know what to do or say. So you are there to sit with them and encourage them and try to make them feel wanted and needed. I am gald that you liked this and I thank you for your visit and wonderful comment

  3. Beautiful…………………………………………………………………………

  4. Oh, heartbreaking. But, those who are left behind should not feel guilt.

  5. You have visited my blog many times, and I’ve been way too preoccupied to pay a closer attention to your blog. I’m sorry for that, it’s not on purpose, just way too much stuff to deal with!

    I’m sorry for your friend! As much as we try to help sometimes, you should know that we first have to be allowed to help. The tribute is a great poem, and I would like to include it in a post at the Poetry palace called “Inspiration of the week”. Let me know …

    Would love to read more from you! Keep writing!

    • This is fine. I just love to read the different blogs and see what others write about. I love the inspiration and the lovely poems that each person posts on their blogs and how great your blog site is. I am glad that you stopped by and visited here and read my post.

  6. Devistatingly sad. Deeply compassionate.

    JamieDedes

  7. wow, so incredibly sad. Thank you for sharing.

    • Yes this is so sad and it was even worse when she would take off for days on end and I could not find her and know what was going on. I felt so sad for her and what she was going through

  8. This is so close to home for me. I learned, the hard way that you can not save someone who is self destructive. If she had gotten the help she needed it may have had a different outcome but it happened this way. There is nothing worse than the helplessness of being helpless to do anything.
    I feel your pain in this, all too well. So sorry but, I do hope it helps anyone else who reads it to see that there are other options.

    • You are right but she was seeing a doctor and for some reason I just think she lost all hope in the end and could not deal with her pain inside her head. I guess this happens and it is sad to understand and very hard to deal with

  9. Sarah, I am so so sorry to hear about Ann. And for your loss. Hugs. Hugs. Hugs!

    • I was so taken back that I did not read it was Ann that wrote this for you. This hit a nerve for me. My apologies sweetie!

      • This is fine. Ann wrote it about her best friend that she had long time back who had depression and finally killed herself in the end. She wrote this one to remember her by and to think of her and how sorry she was that she is gone now. It is fine there is not a problem on this. I think many people get a little confussed here when I try to say who wrote each piece that I have on this site. That is fine and I am just happy that you came by and read it thank you so much.

    • My daughter wrote this poem about her girl friend who had depression and finally killed herself in the end. She was wrting this in memory of her and thinking of her friend and how sad it was to see her lost inside of herself.

  10. A friend of mine did this. we were very close when we were young air hostesses. We went our separate ways. she married a handsome young man and produced two lovely children whilst I did nothing but continue my flying life. We lost touch, I could not identify with kids or younger husbands. Thought she was fine and glad she was. Yet husband wrote to me she had killed herself. She was always the best at everything. How can a woman like this with everything to live for decide she must die. Husband said she was depressed because she could no longer do sports and had back pain. Must have been so bad she could no longer cope. At 62 I limp along and know I shall not win any competitions. But If I can walk from A to B and enjoy a Spanish coffee I know I am okay?
    Do not feel guilty that you missed some way to help. Life is like this.

    • Thank you so much. You are right. I was young and had to travel with work and to take care of my daughter but I did try to be there all the time for her when I could find her and she was not off on one of her trips that she did not want to be found. I think you are right as long as I can walk and get around it is great to have a life and be part of your childrens and grandchildrens this is what keeps us going all the time now.

  11. bless you, hope all goes well soon…

    moving words, fantastic thoughts, thanks for sharing…

  12. well deserved award,

    powerful emotions, well done drama.

    🙂

  13. I never had a dream come true
    Lies, hate and agony
    Thru my eyes that’s all I can see
    If I’m gonna cry tomorrow
    Will you wipe away my tears?

    >>>>Sometimes, the reason why there’s no one to wipe our tears is because we push them away with our silence, with our words. It’s hard to explain but sometimes the pain becomes so unbearable that we want to be loved even though we’re unlovable.

    The people who care just give up. The person just gives up. Until the end.

  14. incredibly sad, an emotional verse.

    • Thank you so much. Yes poetry can make us laugh, cry, feel happy and sad. But all in all the message is wonderful how we can express all this in poetry that can mean so much to different people

  15. Very sad, but your words were eloquent and sincere. It also shows, no matter how much we love and care for someone, they must first open the door by wanting help. Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece.

    • You are very welcome and yes you are right it does not matter how much we try in the end it is up to this person to want to get help and want to live on. Thank you for reading and commenting here.

  16. nice emotion…..

  17. manicddaily said:

    Very chilling. I love the pain that can’t be explained like the scent of a rose. Really true but also beautifully expressed. The end so strong as well.

    • Thank you so much. I think it is true when you have a friend with depression it is like smelling a rose and seeing the pain how can you express what you are seeing or smelling. Thank you so much for your comment

  18. Marvelously done! blessings…

  19. nice one sarah– tq for always coming by.. 🙂

  20. Sarah, your poems embraces the dark emotions & takes the reader there.
    I feel that those who read it will be more sensitive to others who are in the throes of depression. Thank you for sharing on this difficult subject.

    I hope you won’t be offended but I do have some other comments about your poem:

    I particularly like the last two lines of the last stanza. However, my ears hear your words in this order: When I can’t smile today, how can I laugh tomorrow? Or, How, when I can’t smile today, can I laugh tomorrow?
    Ending with the question haunted me and seemed quite strong.

    Re: “Always felling this pain”. Is felling used here as in “felling trees”? If so, it seems in a way a positive process to be used “against” pain. But, if so, it gives me the impression of hope, that the depressed person might just find her way out of the darkness. But in this poem there is no hope for her thus I was a bit confused by this line.

    Okay, just rambles here. As for my last comments, like the Dalai Lama once told me: “Take what works for you and ignore the rest.” Happy writing, like your voice ;-D

    • Hi there your comments are wonderful and yes there is 4 people here on this site but so far it is not allowing me to change the writters name each time one of them posts on here. So for now I have to try and just write in the post the person who wrote these poems so you can know the difference

      As for the of ths poem it was kind of what happened. She was getting better and they had her on some drugs to help her out. I work here and there and all around to do my job. I was out of contacxt with her and had not seen her in sometime. Then I was contacted that she killed herself from her depression. So when I wrote this it was how it was for her the last time I saw her and had contact with her. I did think there was hope for her and she would make it through these problems. But in the end she did not that is why I wrote the ending as I did.

  21. Oooops, sorry Sarah. I thought you were using a pen name. Then I read “Written by Ann LeFlore for a friend of mine”.

    So now, as I understand that you are not the author, I’m not sure that my comments will be pertinent.

    • No do not worry I did read your comment and I have answered you back/ Even though it comes up in one name all the time it is strange this blog where I can not add users on here and other names. I guess I might have to look into the fact of changing out this site completely but do not really want to do this one becaue it has another blog on this account and I do not want to move that blog too. I like where it is and how it is set up and guess will leave ths for now and work around some of these problems on here

  22. This is an emotionally filled poem. It portrays the struggles that
    those who have depression struggle with. I am so saddened by
    the death of your friend. My sister committed suicide. I can feel
    your pain and sorrow. We, too, could not find her at times. It is
    a difficult burden on the family because of those feelings of
    helplessness.
    This is an expressive write.
    Namaste,
    Isadora

    • Thank you so much and I am so sorry for your loss with your sister. I had an Aunt that I did not konw suffered from depression and in the end she finally killed herself too. This is so sad when this happens.

  23. Sarah,

    I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, well controlled, thank God. But I can relate to every word in this well crafted poem. I have never contemplated suicide but can certainly relate to

    “Always felling this pain
    That I can’t explain”

    “Silently I scream as I bang
    My head against the wall”

    I remember looking at my husband and saying, “This is not me. What happened to me?”

    I also have a son who has schizoaffective disorder, and I have written poem after poem about how he struggles with his disease, which is complicated by alcohol and drug addiction. So, this strikes a blow with me, right in the gut.

    Thanks for posting this reminder to all of us that mental illness is no one’s fault We can only save ourselves and weep for those we cannot.

    Namaste………cj

    Oh, and thanks so much for your kind comment on “If I Die Young.”

    • I am so happy that you have controlled your depression and hope that you will find help for your son. This has to be very hard to deal with each day and know you are such a loving Mother who will be there for him and help him get through this terrible problem. Best wishes to you and you are so welcome I loved your blog that is why I left a comment on there for you to say thank you for your wonderful poem and your words they were so lovely and so well done.

  24. I relate all too well to this. You’ve captured the confusion that comes with pain and, especially, with regret.

    • Yes pain is what most people feel when they are depresed. At first all my friend did was sleep all the time and she refused to eat. She was so thin. After she was getting better and she seemed so much happier and we would go to the gym and work out together most days. Then all of a sudden she was gone for a very long time and finally came back. But this time she seemed different and after this I had to leave for work so it was hard to tell what happened. I just know that she was in pain and could not describe what she was feeling most of the time.

  25. Very good post and poem. Yes, we need to watch for our friends and loved ones. Several times recently I have noticed someone was not around as they usually were, and found out they’d been going through a rough patch. I chastise myself for not emailing them and asking if they were okay.
    This poem is a sampling of some of the rough times I have experienced. I am not now depressed, and was not depressed at the time I wrote this, but it was written based on a time when I was. I’ve been there–most of us have–and it hurts. http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2011/09/19/fragile-cloth-2/

    • Thank you so much for such a heart filled comment. You are right we need to watch our friends and try to help them if we can. I am hoping that all is well with you now and you wrote such a wonderful poem. I am so happy that you left the link here for me to read this. Thank you so much

  26. I came though a crippling depression. This poem captures those feelings so beautifully. I wish I had had access to it during my depression so that I could have said, “Here…this is what I’m feeling.”

    • Thank you for your wonderful comment. Please feel free to take a copy of this poem if you wish. If you would like to share this with others please do so. I hope that it can halep anyone who has these feelings and can over come depression and go back to a happy life again.

  27. Wonderful Sarah….No words to say..your write is a lesson.. thanks for sharing…I am blessed..

  28. “How can I laugh tomorrow when I can’t smile today” It is very difficult for one lost within the grip of depression to notice the world around them when the world doesn’t notice them. It is crucial for all of us to know the warning signs of this terrible disorder. God bless those who weep in silence.

  29. you paint a very vivid and personal picture of depression here. I think this is a subject that’s really important to write about– my hope is that people who can identify with these feelings will read this, and other pieces like this, and realize they are not as alone as they think. Many thanks for sharing.

  30. Some people are bound to destroy themselves and there doesn’t seem to be much that onlookers can do. If they can’t find a tiny spark of light within–the darkness will overwhelm. It’s always a shock to me when I hear of people taking their own lives. They must feel such abject sorrow.

    I’m so sorry for your loss. These are powerful words you shared today–I think it’s good that you are putting them out here.

    Gayle ~

  31. Alright its not as hard as some would think, when your mind is at its peek. When chips are down and no ones around. You are consumed by thoughts of pity. Making you feel forever **ity. Not wishing to burden those who are to busy, they do things to make their heads dizzy. So for a moment their problems are a blurr, though inside a darkness does occur. A wish, a try to end this trial, so they continue to consume some bile. Feeling they were never worth the time, their life to them becomes a crime. More ashamed by the things they do, in their heads disappointment runs true… unable to face those that care, for how could they understand or share, they walk through their final door, so the darkness will release their core.

    I am a dark writer its what I do, you did a beautiful piece of work here. Though I write darkness to connect with the people who are trapped by it. To show them that someone else does understand, that they have been there and lived to tell about it. You can try to help someone, you can show you care, but those who live in darkness need someone whos been there. Normally they seek out the others who are to weak to help but know the pain they have, cutting themselves off from the real people who care. Its hard to help someone trapped in the dark without becoming dark yourself, you gotta find someone who can relate other wise the darkness will seal their fate.

    No feeling is without cause,

    Shoeless

    • Wow what a response to this poem and so interesting. I guess you are dark inside and it is hard to escape. Maybe you might be right about this that it needs another person who has been through this to understand what they are going through and to thelp them out. Thank you so much for your wonderful comment and it really means a lot to everyone who has been through this or knows someone who has

  32. Wonderful poem and a thought provoking picture. It is fascinating how our perspective shapes our whole world. I hope that we can use this wisdom to make it a brighter place than the world of your unfortunate friend.

  33. I just know that sometimes we feel like we could do more to help… Your poem remind me of that. Thanks!

  34. Wonderful Tribute to your friend and a lesson for all

  35. Such a sad thing. 😦 My only sibling was a suicide and you’re right that it is very hard to watch and not know what to do to help someone you love in the throes of depression. I have come to terms with what happened and I honestly believe that there are sometimes people who are not made for this world and the tribulations it presents. They are either too kind or not strong enough to survive the bad parts of the world. Depression is a horrible demon, I just wish more people would realize it is not one you have to face alone. There is a song by the band Suicidal Tendencies (they are no longer together) called “How can I laugh tomorrow, when I can’t even smile today?” I think your poem touched on a universal theme among humanity – we all have dark times and trials we must face, but it is part of being human. Thank you for the visit to my blog and the wonderful comments! 🙂

    • I am so sorry to hear this. I know how hard it is to accept and I hope that you are better now. It took time for me to realize that some people are a lot stronger than others and can handle life in different ways

  36. Congrats on the award!

  37. A nice piece of work about a very sad condition and progression of someone’s life.

    Are Ann LeFlore and Sarah Johnston one and the same, then?

    • Thank you elainedanforth I am so happy that you read this.

      Ann LeFlore and Sarah Johnston are two different people. Sarah Johnston is my Mom. She has a cooking blog called Grandma Simpson’s Kitchen in Roby Texas and she likes to write short stories and give advice.

      I am Ann LeFlore I set up the blogs for my Mom and when I added this one to her account I was not sure what was going to be put on this blog site at the beginning. At first I added all her short stories and some inspirational advice. Then I added a few poems of mine. After I loved the poetry challenges and decided to try my hand at a few poems again. So this is how this blog got created and started. I have two grand children and they love to write and I encourage them to write when I am visiting them. Right now I am visiting them and so I add their poems to the blog site for everyone to read and to share with their other grandma. I will be heading home to Tahiti really soon but I will still write pomes, go to the poetry sites and add my links, and read and comment on all the poems on the poetry sties.

      My Mom will continue to post on her cooking blog and I am in hopes she will write a few more pieces for this site and some more stories. I will post all her work on this site when she sends them to me. She is not so wonderful at posting but I take care of this for her and make sure all her work is posted on her cooking stie and here.

      thank you for asking this is not a problem and I know that you are not the only one who wonders if Ann LeFlore and Sarah Johnston are one of the same.

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