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Posts tagged ‘funny stories’

Paul Frank

A monkey

Paul Frank

Of a different color

The funny

Big faced creature

With a wide red smile

Born in August

On the day of 29

In the year of ‘67

The monkey came to life

His large round ears

Brown and cream

Soft as can be

Cuddle oh so sweet

The money was born

On a paper canvas

By the creator

Paul Frank

Julius was the name

Of the famous monkey

Born on paper

And created by fluff and stuff

The monkey became

Loved by young and old

Paul Frank was a hit

That could not quit

 

Written by Trinity age 10. I love monkeys and Paul Frank is my favorite. I have his bed set for my room and the famous monkey head for a pillow. Monkeys are so adorable that you can cuddle with their long arms and legs that wrap around you.

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Two Halves of a Lizard

Washing day in our household was not a one day event. It seemed like it was a never ending event. I am one that

Two Halves of a Lizard

demanded all the clothes turned right side and pockets of pants emptied. I hated to go into pockets and pull out the surprises inside. All money and secret treasures found in the washing machine when I was done belonged to me.

 With 3 boys and 2 girls this always left me wondering if I ever put my hand in one of the pockets what would come out. My second daughter was little Miss Prissy that hated to get her hands dirty and would only wear fluffy dresses and black paten leather shoes around all the time. She had to have her hair in pony tails and her dolls just right.

 My oldest son was more a reader, a loner, and would spend hours talking with the seniors on our block helping them out in their homes. You would always find him on Football and Baseball season watching the game with them. He could recite any baseball static there was on any player on any team.

 My eldest daughter as you know was our Tom Boy and there was nothing she could not do. She was an excellent violin player, could draw anything she saw, loved roller skating, skateboarding, playing football, baseball, and skate hockey. She was our most active and the one we had to keep an eye on all the time. She was always coming in with black eyes and split lips from fighting with the neighbor boys when they picked on her two younger brothers. We finally called her “OH Sid” because of her free spirit. I think it was her Great Grandmother her named her this. She said it was from an old radio show she heard when she was a young girl.

 My two youngest sons were typical boys and followed in their older sisters foot steps all the time. She would take such good care of them and made sure nothing happened. They were two typical boys who loved to fight with each other all the time.

 Washing days always gave me many treasure and surprises. From nails, marbles, coloring crayons, doll shoes, hair clips to money in my machine. But not this day! It was not what I found it was what I did not find.

 I am pulling the clothes out of the washing machine and getting them ready to hang on the line when I feel something squishy in my hand. I carefully put the clean laundry in my laundry cart to see what it could be.

 To my shock and horror I find a half a lizard with his big glassy eyes sitting there in my hand staring at me.. First I am paralyzed, I can not move, I know better but I take a second look. I drop my clean clothes on the floor, the lizard goes with it, and I run to stand on the chair in our garage. I can not stand lizards, snakes, bugs, and cockroaches. Anything that crawls on the ground is not for me.

 I am in the garage screaming wildly and standing on top of a chair. My children come running to the garage to see what the problem is. There are all gathered around the chair in a circle laughing at me on top of the chair screaming.

 Finally I speak and said to them who put a lizard in my machine. I got the strangest looks from my two younger sons and thought oh now I know. It was my second to the youngest. He starts out laughing so hard and says Mom that is Oh Sid’s pet lizard George.

 My eldest daughter is in tears and crying how could you kill George Mom? He was my friend. I had him in my pocket of my pants where he was safe and you would never find him and take him from me. At night he slept under my pillow and when I woke in the morning he was there for me.

 She goes running over to the clean clothes and finds two halves of her lizard dead. She is crying so hard. She would not forgive me for killing her lizard.. She had to have my husband build her a wooden box and put the lizard inside of  it. There she proceed to the back yard and make him a grave. She lined it with rocks and drew a big sign for this lizard’s grave. She called him George and on the sign she said “Poor George lost his life in some stupid old washing machine”.

 It took me over one  hour to decide to climb down off this chair and go back to the clothes that George was found in. I threw the clothes back into the washing machine and washed them five more time before I could bear to take them out and hang them on the clothes line in the back yard.

 I proceeded to my daughter room and stripped her bed of all bedding and took everything to the garage. I had to wash her bedding four times before I was satisfied that the remains of George sleeping under her pillow each night were gone. I wanted to throw her pillow in the trash but my husband refused to let me do this one. He said “For God Sakes it is only a stupid Lizard”. To me it was more than a stupid lizard.

 What was so upsetting is where she decided to burry this lizard. It was near the brick wall in our back yard right in front of my clothes line. Each time I had to hang up clothes in the back yard I was reminded of her lizard and how it was killed in my washing machine.

Boot Camp Follies

My husband remained in a part of the Military reserve unit called the Navy Sea Bees after his tour in Korea.  He would spend one weekend a month on active duty and two weeks a year.

Boot Camp Follies

 Once a month he would come home from his active duty weekends and talk to the kids about what he did and how he eat sea rations. Our children were so impressed with his stories and they thought that sea rations were from the ocean. They had no idea they were military boxed survival foods.

 Off toAlaska:

 This one year he was sent toAlaskafor cold weather training. He went in the heart of winter toAlaskaand had to live out of tents and eat nothing but sea rations out of boxes and cans. There was no way to make fires and heat up this food. They had small sterna cans to use for their cooking.

 On his arrival home he came in with an extra duffel bag that was so heavy he could hardly carry it. He promised the kids he would bring them home something fromAlaskaon his return.

 Considering he was stuck in the middle of no where and could not keep his promise he decided to collect all the boxes of sea rations that nobody could stomach to eat any longer. He saved them all in a duffle bag for his return home.

 Return Home:

Upon arrival at home the kids were so excited to see him. He was happy to be home and told them he had a big surprise for them. He said that they were going on a survival trip and learn to live out in the wild with only sea rations to eat. Three of them jumped for joy and were so excited when they heard this. I saw the look on my oldest sons and second daughters’ face and they were not happy at all.

 Both of them quickly came running to me crying and saying they did not want to leave home and refused to be in the military. They did not want to go on a survival trip.

Living in a boot camp:

 In our family room my husband set up a tent and sleeping bags for the kids to sleep in. He prepared the family room like a military camp for them. He explained to them that they were to live here and eat sea rations. I saw the joy on my two youngest sons face and my oldest daughter. They were so happy to be camping in our family room.

 That evening when I cooked dinner my husband wanted a steak and potatoes. He said that not to worry for the kids he had them taken care of. Dinner was served and the kids came running to the table. They saw that they had nothing on their plates to eat.

 Each one of them was in shock and could not understand what they were going to eat this night. My husband explained to them that they are on a survival mission and their food is in their tent in the family room. They jumped up from the table so excited and ran down the stairs to find their surprise in the tent my husband had prepared for them.

 We are sitting there eating and all of a sudden my second daughter little Miss Prissy comes upstairs crying so hard she can hardly talk. She said to my husband Daddy what can I have to eat I am hungry. He said that your food is in the tent go back and eat with your brothers and sister.

 She took one look at him and said Daddy it is cold. I can not eat my food cold. Plus it is in a can how can I eat this? She told him the cheese was hard and the crackers were stale and she wanted to eat with Mommy and not with us.

 I almost died when I found out what he did. He decided to bring home a sack full of sea rations for our kids to eat. The other 4 children were down in the tent laughing and having such a good time. I went down to see what they were doing. They had all the boxes of sea rations torn apart and separated out.

 My two youngest sons took all the beans and franks. My daughter started to tell me that she hates them and gave them to her brothers. She took all the spaghetti and meat balls and my oldest son took all the cracker, cheeses, and macaroni and cheese for him. I asked them what about your sister. They said she didn’t want any and so they took her share.

 In the boxes was instant coffee, a can of food, cheese, crackers, a can of some sort of fruit, some chocolate, and I am not sure what else. The four of them were in their height of glory this night. They had all this food down in their tent and could eat what ever they wanted. I was not too happy about the chocolate and them eating all this. He said leave them once they taste this they won’t eat much of it.

 The kids stayed down in the tent that night and two more nights eating sea rations for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. On the 4th day my boot camp troop comes up in the house and starts complaining to me. We are tired of eating this cold food. Can we have some real food to eat now? Each one of them had such a pitiful look on their faces I felt so sorry for them. I cooked them a big batch of pancakes, eggs, and bacon for breakfast that day. I never saw the 4 of them eat so much before. I always had a hard time getting my oldest daughter to eat breakfast but not this morning.

 The next year when my husband went away not one of the kids asked for a thing from him. They were so afraid they were going to get another sack of sea rations on his arrival home.

The Magical Golden Rainbow

Have you ever heard the myth that at the end of a rainbow there’s a pot of gold? Well how can this be true? How can youThe Magical Golden Rainbow tell if you are at the beginning or the end of a rainbow? In order to determine if you are at the beginning or end you would have to travel to both sides of the rainbow. By the time you arrived at the other side the rainbow would be gone.

 In searching for your pot of gold you would need a friend, brother, or sister to help you. They would have to go to one side of the rainbow while you went at the other side. In your search do you actually think you will ever find a pot of gold? Are you sure there is actually a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Think is this just a myth? Have you ever seen a pot of gold?

 In order to find your pot of gold you will need to find the leprechaun. The little green man with pointed shoes, a hat with a four leaf clover, an all green suit, and speaks with an Irish accent.  This little man will be seen running and hiding from you as you search for his pot of gold.

 When you arrive at the rainbow what determines you are at the beginning or end of this rainbow? Have ever considered that both sides of the rainbow can be the beginning where they meet half way in the middle. The middle of your rainbow could be where the leprechaun has hidden his pot of gold. Why would he choose the middle of the rainbow?

 The reason I believe the gold is hidden at the top of the rainbow is to protect the leprechaun prize position. If anyone ever found the pot of gold they would have all the secrets the leprechaun possessed. The day a person finds the pot of gold the leprechaun would loose all his magical powers.

 If one day you stumbled upon a leprechaun sitting on top of a pot of gold how would you trap him? It is impossible to trap the leprechaun he is magical. He knows all the tricks to avoid being trapped. The only way I see to get the leprechaun off his pot of gold is to trick him. You have to distract the leprechaun by making him think there is someone behind him trying to steal his pot of gold.

 Once you have the leprechaun’s attention you sit on the ground and talk with him. You make the leprechaun believe you are his friend. You win his confidence and friendship. You spend your time making friends with the leprechaun. Once you feel that the leprechaun trusts you then it is time to make your move.

 All of a sudden you get a shocked look on your face. The leprechaun looks at you and wonders what is wrong. You start by pretending you can not speak. You see something horrible that you can not talk about. The leprechaun is so concerned he begs you to tell him what is wrong. You yell out I am scared I see someone in the woods behind you that is lurking behind that big tree.  

 The leprechaun does not believe this is really happening.  He is very smart and can tell if anyone is behind a tree or not. But you know the secret you have told your brother your plan. He is hiding behind the big tree in the middle of the forest. It is his job to lure the leprechaun away from his gold. You brother hears you scream and yells out that someone is near by. It is time for your brother to go into action.

 You stand up and look at the leprechaun. You pretend that you are so scared of the person that is hiding in the forest behind the tree you start to run away. You look over your shoulder and tell the leprechaun that he should run too. There is a person coming closer and will steal his pot of gold. The leprechaun stops you and tells you to wait. He will protect you if you will help him.

 The leprechaun has a special plan. He tells you that it is your responsibility to sit on his pot of gold while he is in the forest scaring off the robber. You pretend this will never work. How can you protect this pot of gold you are only a very small child. You do not possess the magical powers to help the leprechaun protect his pot of gold.

 The leprechaun sits and thinks how this can be. He needs to move but you are only a small child.  The leprechaun decides that it is necessary to give you special magical powers to help him protect his pot of gold. He jumps down off this pot of gold and orders you to come and take his place. Once you sit on his pot of gold the leprechaun casts a magical spell upon you that gives you all his powers.

 You plan is working well. You have tricked the leprechaun into giving you magical powers. The leprechaun dashes off to the forest to find the robber. You are left sitting on top of the pot of gold. Now you possess all the necessary powers to lift up the pot of gold and hide it in a secret place. The pot of gold is yours to keep along with all the magical powers the leprechaun gave to you.

 This is the only plan that would ever work to take a pot of gold from a leprechaun. Next time you see a rainbow who do you think will be sitting on the pot of gold? You got it will be me.

The story was written by Trinity age 10. She is describing a magical rainbow and how she can trick a leprechaun into giving her his pot of gold.

Octopus’s Garden In The Shade

Lazy summer afternoons at the bay fishing, cooking hotdogs on a stick, and roasting marshmallows. Each afternoon we

Octopus’s Garden In The Shade

would pack the children up in the van, a cooler full of lemonade, marshmallows, and fishing poles and head for the bay till the sun went down.

 I’m sitting on the blanket watching my 2 year old son play in the sand getting it all in his hair and mouth. My other children are running around and fishing with my husband. It is time to feed the hungry crowd and the two neighbors boys who joined us this evening.  Fishing was a big event in our household and especially with some of the boy who lived on our block.

 My husband passes by handing me his fishing pole as he goes to start the fire. Mind you I am no fisherman at all and I had no idea what to do with this pole. I just held it in my hand laughing at my son as he got more and more sand in his mouth, hair, and nose. He was an awful mess by now.

 Not paying much attention to the fishing pole I was more interested in my son. When out of the blue the line started to move and the pole jumped in my hands. I am frantic I have no idea what to do with this pole I am holding. I start screaming for my husband who is busy building a fire. He yells back you have nothing there do not worry. Leave it.

 I kept seeing the line go out and felt the tugging on the pole. I told him no really I have something on here. He started yelling directions at me to stand up and to push this button on the reel of the pole. I finally found what he was talking about and my line stopped moving. Now the end of the pole was bending down so far I thought it would break.

 My husband instructed me to start turning the reel and pulling up and down on the pole and I did as he instructed. I followed his directions and was able to bring my catch up on the beach. My husband comes running over to see what the big excitement was all about. When he arrived he finds on the end of my line a tin can. He rolls out the biggest laugh you have ever heard. He starts to untangle the line and get back his hook when he is stuck. He can not get it to move.

 Finally after playing with the line he releases what was inside the can to get out his fish hook. To our great surprise I did catch something on the end of the line. But it was not a fish it was a baby octopus inside an old tin can. My husband was laughing so hard at the big fish I had caught and said he was sorry he could not pan fry this one for me to eat.

 My children are laughing so hard, dancing around in a circle and chanting to me “I’d lie to be under the sea in an octopus’ garden in the shade. He’d let us in, knows, where we’ve been in his octopus’ garden in the shade. My four older children and two neighbor boys sang this song over and over again. They never let me live down the fact I caught an octopus instead of a fish that day.

 After dinner the children continued to fish with my husband till just before the sun went down. He handed my oldest daughter his fishing pole this time and said to her if I give it back to your Mom who knows what she will bring in next time. He left her and went to pack up the car.

 My daughter loved fishing and so did my son. They were there with the two neighbor boy on the beach fishing when all of a sudden my daughter is screaming so loud. The two boys and my son are holding on to her and the fishing pole. I go running down to the shore to see what is happening. Her pole is almost ripped out of her hands and what ever is on the line is dragging her and the other 3 along with it.

 I reached my daughter in time and between the three boys, my daughter and myself we held on to this fishing pole and it was dragging us up and down the beach. It was a sight to see 5 people holding onto one fishing pole and running up and down the beach trying to keep the pole from being pulled out of our hands. My husbands sees what is happening and comes running. He takes the fishing pole from us and starts to try and bring in the fish that is on the line.

 My husband works for over an hour moving up the beach and down again trying to tire out what ever is on the line. He works in reeling in this fish and brining it up on the beach. Finally after an hour the fish on the end of the line starts to tire and my husband is able to bring it up on the beach.

 My daughter is right there screaming so loudly that she trapped the monster of the sea. She said he came to get back his baby octopus. She was sure she had a sea monster on the end of her fishing pole.

 When my husband finally gets the fish on the beach it is nearly dark now. He finds on the end of his line a giant Bat Ray. My daughter had trapped a Bat Ray on the end of her line.

 This summer night was one of our more memorable fishing trips. My octopus in a tin can and my daughter’s sea monster were the highlights of that evening. Needless to say that night we did not get much real fishing in but had a lot of fun.

My Poo Poo is Sleeping

Each day brings a new joy and happiness to my life. I feel fortunate to have my first Grand daughter and her children so

My Poo Poo Is Sleeping

close to me. Each morning the two bundles of joy wake up and run to my home for breakfast. My Great Grand daughter is not an early morning riser. She stumbles through the kitchen and places her breakfast order then takes her place in the chair all wrapped up in her blanket watching cartoons. My Great Grand Son on the other hand is an early riser and always full of joy and excitement each morning as he stumbles through my kitchen. He looks at you with his little finger placed next to his mouth thinking what he wants to eat today. As the idea hits him he looks at you with those big blue eye snaps his finger and places his order.

 Since the two children were babies even before they ate table food they were part of our morning breakfast hour. Each morning I could see my Great Grand daughter fuss and cry because she was wakened from her warm bed and made to stand up for the day. When her baby brother came alone things never changed for her. She loves to cuddle in her mountain of blankets and sleep in as long as she can.

 My Great Grand son on the other hand is full of energy at 5:30 in the morning and just waiting to hear the alarm clock go off in his parent’s room so he can stand up and run out of his bed. If it was left up to him he would have been up hours before this in front of the TV watching one of his favorite programs. Each morning he comes running in the house full of energy and so happy to be up and starting his day.

 This one morning we are at the table and he cries out. “Nana I have to go potty”. He leaves the table in a mad dash to the bathroom where he is gone for ever. All of a sudden I hear so much noise in our bathroom I wondered what happened. I get up from the table to check on my grandson.

 The closer I get to the bathroom down the hallway the more I can hear some awful noise. It sounds to me like someone is pounding on the floor or banging the doors of the cabinet under the wash bowl. I call out to my grandson and he answers back. Yes it is him in the bathroom. I am so worried I open the door.

 As I peer inside the bathroom I see my grandson sitting on the toilet with his PJ pants on the floor. He has both of his hands on the toilet seat and he is jumping up and down on the seat of the toilet. I can not imagine what he is doing.

 I stand there in amazement watching this 4 year old child use his hands to raise himself up off the toilet seat and then drop back down. He keeps repeating this time and time again. I finally had to ask him what he was doing.

 He looks up at me with his big blue eye and a sad expression on his face. Out of his tiny little voice he says oh so softly “Nana I am waking up my poo poo”. I could not understand what he was talking about. I know he said that he had to go to the toilet but I can not in my wildest dreams understand how you can wake up poo poo.

 I asked him again in my kindest voice to understand if what I heard was really true. He looks up at me again and says to me “but Nana my poo poo is sleeping and I have to wake it up”. I asked him why is your poo poo sleeping and how do you think you can wake up your poo poo. He says again to me “well you see Nana it is like this. I woke up this morning but my poo poo never work up. I have to go poo poo but it is not waking up so I can go”.

 I left my grandson sitting on the toilet and returned to the table with tears in my eyes. My husband looked at me with shock and surprise thinking that our grandson was hurt. I then tried my hardest with out laughing to tell my husband no he is fine but his poo poo is sleeping. My husband rolled out the biggest laugh you ever heard. My husband asked  me how can his poo poo be sleeping? I said to him I am not sure but it is sleeping.

 Not long after I had left my grandson on the toilet he screams out loud Nana Nana come quick. I went running down the hall to the bathroom where I left my grandson sitting on the toilet. He looks up at me with his big blue eye wide open and says “Nana my poo poo woke up and now it is coming out”. I tried my hardest not to laugh too much but it was so hard to control. Soon I had tears streaming down my face once again.

 My grandson told me to wait his poo poo was coming and no longer sleeping. He needed my help when he was done. This one amazed me because he goes to the toilet all the time by himself. He never needs my help anymore to use the toilet. He looks up again at me with a big smile on his face and says “Nana it is done my poo poo woke up and now it is in the toilet.” I said to him well this is normal that is where your poo poo belongs” He said “well you see Nana this time it did not want to leave and go to where it belongs. I had to wake it up and tell him to go there. I had to jump up and down on the toilet seat so that my poo poo would wake up”.

 He then stands up and say Nana look there it is. There is my poo poo he woke up finally. I could barley talk now from laughing so hard and the tears were pouring out of my eye. It is the first time in my life that I had ever heard of poo poo sleeping. Out of my 5 children, 4 grand children, and two great grand children it would have to be the last one to give me a lesson on poo poo and how it sleeps.

 To this day when my great grandson makes a mad dash from the breakfast table to the bathroom I wait to hear him calling me. I wait to hear him explain to me how his poo poo sleeps when he is awake. But since this one time he has grown up some now and his poo poo no longer sleeps in the morning. I miss those wonderful innocent days of hearing the explanation from my 4 year old great grandson about how poo poo sleeps.